atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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