He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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