I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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