How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
