Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
