Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
