Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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