Acid is not a monday night drug
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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