I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
