Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Houston, we have a squirter
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
