I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
