Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
