The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
