Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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