it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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