So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
