We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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