Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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