I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
