Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
