Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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