Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
