Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
