he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This house was built for laser tag.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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