You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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