I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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