Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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