The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
