When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
