If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
