In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
