Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize