I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Randomize
