Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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