it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
