last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
