I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
