he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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