tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Shame - the story of my life.
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