You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
