you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
