Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
