That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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