I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
