I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
