i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
