she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
