I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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