watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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