Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
