the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
