Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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