Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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