question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
