physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
