he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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