im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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