And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
