Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
