so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
