I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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