Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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