I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ladies don't puke and tell
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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