he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
