"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
