my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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