All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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