The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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