I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
