i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
