I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
