shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
