we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize