One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
