I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
