do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
