Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
