Apparently you make a good broom.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
